Should You Try Emotionally Focused Therapy? (2024)

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a type of short-term treatment used to improve attachment and bonding in adult relationships. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg developed EFT in the 1980s. The couples therapy approach is based on research about love as an attachment bond.

EFT has also been adapted for families. This treatment can help people form more secureemotional bonds, which can promote stronger relationships and improved communication.

In this article, we’ll go over how emotionally focused therapy works and look at some examples of how it can be used.

Emotionally Focused Therapy Techniques

The change process through EFT has nine steps across three stages. The map guides the therapist and helps them track progress when working with a couple.

De-Escalation

The first EFT step is focused on identifying negative interaction patterns that contribute to conflict, identifying negative emotions related to attachment, and reframing those feelings. This process helps couples better see how their insecurities and fears affect their relationship.

Partners view undesirable behaviors (i.e., shutting down or angry escalations) as "protests of disconnection." Couples learn to be emotionally available, empathetic, and engaged with each other, strengthening the attachment bond and creating a safe place between them.

Restructuring

During the next stage, each partner learns to share their emotions and show acceptance and compassion for the other partner. The process attempts to reduce conflict and create a moresecure emotional bond.

Couples learn to express deep, underlying emotions from a place of vulnerability and ask for their needs to be met. This step also helps partners become more responsive to each other’s needs.

Consolidation

During the last step, a therapist helps the couple work on new communication strategies and practice skills when interacting with each other. This process can help couples see how they have been able to change and how new interaction patterns prevent conflict.

New sequences of bonding interactions occur and replace old, negative patterns such as "pursue-withdraw" or "criticize-defend." These new, positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change. The relationship becomes a haven and a healing environment for both partners."

Who Is Emotionally Focused Therapy For?

EFT can benefit couples who are struggling with conflict, distress, and poor communication.

A couple may benefit from EFT if they are dealing with:

• Addiction
• Depression
• Chronic illness
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

EFT can also be a powerful approach for couples dealing with infidelity and trauma, both recently and in the past.

Neuroscience is at the center of bothattachment theoryand EFT. Our attachments to others are strong, and our brains code them as "safety." MRI studiesof the brain have shown the significance ofsecure attachment.

While often used in couples therapy, EFT can also be helpful in individual therapy and family therapy. For a single person, EFT can be used to address and work through emotion-related challenges. It can also help family members form more secure bonds.

EFT is being used in couples therapy in private practice, university training centers, and hospital clinics.EFT has also been adapted for different cultures around the world.

Examples of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Here are a few examples of how EFT can be used:

1. A person goes to therapy to find out how being abandoned by a parent as a child might be affecting their adult relationships. A therapist helps them see that the broken bond with a caregiver has influenced their ability to form relationships with others, and many of their attachments in adulthood have not been beneficial. In therapy, they learn about their attachment style and work on developing healthier bonds with others.
2. A couple that is constantly fighting goes to therapy for support. Their heated arguments seem to be getting worse, and both partners are exhausted. A therapist helps them learn to identify the triggers for their disagreements and the underlying emotions driving them. They also work together to find ways to respectfully and effectively communicate without letting a situation “come to blows.”
3. A young person who is in their first serious relationship is struggling with intimacy. In therapy, they realize that the dynamic in the family they grew up in was about “hiding feelings,” and vulnerability was seen as a weakness, not a strength. In therapy, they learn how to be open and “real” with their partner and why that will strengthen their bond and encourage an intimacy that is respectful and satisfying.

Benefits of Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally focused therapy can unwind automatic, counterproductive reactions that threaten relationships. Individuals, couples, and families can get the following benefits from therapy:

• Better emotional functioning: EFT provides a language for healthy dependency between partners and looks at key moves and moments that define an adult love relationship. The primary goal ofthe model is to expand and re-organize the emotional responses of the couple.
• Stronger bonds: EFT is based on attachment theory, which suggests that attachments between peopletypically provide a safe place—a retreat from the world and a way to get comfort, security, and a buffer against stress.
• Improved interpersonal understanding: EFT helps people become more aware of their partner's needs. Because of this awareness, they can also listen and discuss problems from a place of empathy instead of a place of defensiveness or anger.

How Effective Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

One strength of EFT is that there has been extensive research on it. Some experts feel EFT is one of the most (if not the most) evidence-validated forms of couples’ therapy.

The technique is collaborative and respectful of clients, and it shifts blame for the couple’s problems to the negative patterns between them instead of the individual partners.

EFT can be an effective way for couples to form stronger bonds and build better relationships. Research has found that EFT can improve interactions between partners and reduce the amount of stress that people experience in their relationships.

A 2019 systematic review found that EFT was an effective treatment for improving marital satisfaction. The recovery was also quite lasting, with little evidence of a relapse back into distress.

Things to Consider

There are some important things to consider before you start EFT. Since it involves exploring the negative emotions and patterns that contribute to conflicts in relationships, EFT can be challenging to undertake. The therapy process itself may lead to difficult or intense emotions.

For example, for a person with insecure attachment,any perceived distance or separation in close relationships is interpreted as danger. Losing the connection to a loved one threatens their sense of security. They may go into self-preservation mode and rely on the things they did to "survive" or cope in childhood. When they are triggered as adults in romantic relationships, they repeat unhelpful patterns that they picked up during their formative years.

For EFT to be effective, everyone needs to take part. That means all members of a family or both partners in a couple need to be ready and willing to participate. Losing the connection to a loved one threatens our sense of security.

What to Expect

During an EFT session, a therapist observes the dynamics between a couple and acts as a collaborator. They coach and direct the partners as they try new ways of interacting.

Unlike forms of therapy where the therapist listens passively, EFT therapists take an active role in guiding the conversation. The therapeutic approach also focuses on addressing emotions and interactions within the session rather than on things like worksheets and homework.

Therapists are empathetic and help couples recognize their emotions as valid. They help couples and individuals recognize behaviors and patterns that they may not even be aware of and see how these actions contribute to conflict in a relationship.

If you think this form of therapy would improve your relationship, you can find anEFT-trained therapistthrough the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) website.