Last night I was thinking about how to start this blog.
To be honest with you this topic about moving out of a loving family home wasn't an easy one to write. It all started with a few cheesy dreams that my friends, Kendall and Jessica and I had after watching the Brittany Spears movie Crossroads. We were in year 7 hanging at the park where we joked about our “time capsule”, like Brittany did with her best friends in the movie. Some of our dreams included a massive plan to travel the world together or rent a house in Burleigh on the beach near our families. Oblivious to cost it was a good idea at the time, but one goal remained. This goal of getting my own place stuck with me and for some reason has always been something I wanted, despite having a disability and all that goes with that.
Fast forward 8 years later, Our Crossroads dreams had changed, and I was happy to see my best friends go out there and find love and kick goals of their own. Meanwhile, I was a 20-year Uni student, and business owner and was still living at home with the family. I was blessed in my “Gap Year” I travelled extensively but I still desired to move out of home at some stage.I love my mother more than anyone or anything. She is and always has and always will be the one who has my back no matter what. Fighting with the education system for 12 years of her life, where she was often alone battling for me to have an inclusive education, would have taken a toll on the best of them. My mother certainly was the best, but I believe we were both out at a crossroads and the need for a newfound level of independence. At this point in our lives, we needed some space being two strong-minded women.
Our home life became a stressful environment to be in sometimes.
She was getting over her house being open to my support workers coming in and out of our family home. Dealing with her two kids, who didn't always see eye to eye, was a little bit too much for everyone. So, after a few months of trying to work it out and navigate this post-school era, I made the decision that perhaps it may be better for all if I moved out of my family home. One morning I was in bed with tears coming down my face. I cried because I never thought moving was going to be this way. I had no plan on how I was moving out, but I knew that my best friend lived only two streets away from my parents. Maybe, I could go there for a little bit until I worked out this new stage of my life. When I asked him if I could move in with him, I was told no because I needed to stay at home and work through it. I felt that this was the right decision because I was struggling both emotionally and physically and eventually my friend agreed. Moving in with your best friend sounds like a lot of fun but it was interesting. Although we knew each other very well, there were some things that we needed to sort out within our relationship. It is one thing to be friends, but now his house was mine and having a disability that includes certain things. This little old house in Sparrow Place wasn't accessible at all, especially my ensuite which was a shoebox and my legs hung out of my shower. Even though it wasn't ideal we made it work. As a 20-year-old, freedom was the ultimate dream, and I embraced every minute of it. Having the space where I could experience little things such as inviting a guy over to stay for the night or just having parties with my friends. I loved the freedom to choose what goes in my fridge. All of these small things that made moving out of the home so worth it.
However, the realisation that I was now in the driver's seat of my own life felt real and I learned a whole lot about myself and the disability field itself. This transition was before NDIS, and you needed a disability service that could 'provide' the support that you needed. Both the support worker who was supporting me with my daily life and the disability service which I was getting help from wasn't what I needed at the time. I went to this disability service with a 'VERY' clear picture of what I needed to have the life that I wanted. The disability service at the time wanted me to move into a house by myself. I found out they wanted this so they could have more control over my package, rather than provide what I needed at the time. The service had to go and so I sacked them. Now the goal was to create a team around me that could give me the support that I needed to have the life that I wanted. A few months passed then I finally found a disability service that saw the picture of what I needed and linked me to a few amazing people who wanted to support me.
Having this support enriched my life in so many ways. My relationship with my parents improved a lot in this time which was a great comfort to me. Although I was very happy living in a house in Sparrow Place. That little crossroads dreams of getting my own home were still at the back of my head. I was in Melbourne for a conference when a friend invited me to this information session on disability housing. There was this government scheme that supported and encouraged builders to create move-accessible living spaces for people with disabilities. I was excited by SDA (Specialised disability housing) and started to wonder if this might be the way to get that dream of getting my own home. I was working with my own business and saving money so home ownership just may be a possibility despite the fact disability housing often is more expensive than a regular house. A month later My mother and I were at the kitchen table with Greg an SDA Provider. Although a house was my choice, Greg suggested that I should consider an apartment.I was open to exploring my options and took his advice. He assessed my physical environment (at the home I was in) and the need was clearly there.
When my SDA application was processed It was recommended that I go into a group home of 3 people who had a high level of support. Something I didn't want for my life and not what my parents or I envisaged for me. I stood my ground about living on my own and when I was about to give up, they changed the recommendation to what my needs were. I could now live on my own (or with other flatmates/ partner/ family / whoever) and better still retain my own supports. Better still if I worked hard, continued to save, and found a person to build my apartment that goal of home ownership may be achievable. So, with this in mind, we started to look. We looked as if I didn’t have a disability (or the extras I would need in a build) and went from display to display. We went from agent to agent and when it came to that conversation about adaptions some developers clearly were not interested. Eventually, we found a developer (Mosaic) who was keen to assist and long story short we signed a contract to buy my first house. The 1stthing I could think of was yes, I would finally be able to have a shower without sticking my legs out.
My “crossroads” dream (of getting my own home) was now morphing from a dream to a reality. For the next 18 months, we drove past our building Bela and planned everything we would do with it. A decade has passed, since I moved from my family home, and I am in this beautiful unit near the beach. The pathway I took was a roller coaster with some highs and lows but that is the beauty of life. The freedom and independence that I have now made my life better. To be honest with you I don't know if this is my forever home as I am wanting to find love and start a family of my own. For now, this home is where I truly belong, and it is mine. Dreams come true and every day I am grateful I am blessed. I have an amazing physical environment, a great team of people who support me and the freedom to be myself. Most of all I am glad I have a loving family and friends who support me even in the times I have made some dumb decisions.
It started with a dream among 10-year-old friends and the support of many. Having a disability and moving out of home isn’t easy but with the right people around you can do it. So I encourage you to find the right people and start the conversation if you are young, have a disability and share this dream. It is possible!!
About the Author:
Marlena Katene is Australia’s most unique entertainment journalist. Having Cerebral Palsy Marlena communicates via an ABC Board and iPad. After completing her Bachelor of Communications degree Marlena has been blessed to interview a wide range of people ranging from Ed Sheeran, Robbie Williams and even the Dalia Lama. While her journalism focuses mainly on music she also has written on other issues and freelance writes for a variety of magazines. Apart from her journalism work, Marlena is an avid traveller and adventure seeker. In 2016 she became the first person in the world with Cerebral Palsy to Base jump, achieving this feat by jumping off the 421 metre KL Tower in Malaysia. Addicted to travelling she is always seeking the next adventure and place to explore.
